Processing life experiences, relationships, and approaching vulnerability
Recently, I had a conversation with a new friend (we've known each other for about two weeks at this point writing this). During our discussion, I shared my belief that everyone deserves some compassion but use your judgment because not everyone deserves all of your compassion and when you give it, give it freely. I acknowledged that some people might disagree with this perspective and view compassion as black and white or that you either have compassion or not.
I have a tendency to evaluate and categorize people I meet or know using a sliding scale in my mind. When I encounter someone new, I start by assigning them a neutral point, let's say 50 on this scale. From there, their position can either increase or decrease based on certain criteria that I find significant. This approach helps me gauge how I should interact with them, allowing me to create space, as well as protect myself. Over time, I have received advice from people in my life, urging me to give others the benefit of the doubt, be kinder, let things go, or adopt different approaches. I understand that this perspective on evaluating and allowing people into my life may be unconventional or controversial, but in sharing this, I don't intend to debate or discuss the merits of my process. We all have our own methods for determining who we engage with and how we interact with them. What struck me during our conversation was when my friend remarked that my process makes sense, particularly because of how open I am.
As an open person who invests deeply in relationships and interactions, it becomes crucial to discern who is truly deserving of that level of vulnerability in order to protect oneself.
I seek security and consistency in the people I interact with, especially those that I allow into my life and create depth with. Through lots of reflection, experiences, and life goals has come with a strong sense of identity and confidence that in turn has brought an energy that isn’t always easily matched with other people whether it be in friendships or romantically. Maybe it’s growing up that I’ve also learned that I deserve love.
Recently during my classes and series of videos I had to watch I was reminded of Brene Brown’s famous TED Talk. She talks about how some of her results from her research. She shares a few points that I think are soooo important to note.
People who have a strong sense of love and belonging believe that they are deserving of love and belonging
People who are courageous tend to be more vulnerable and this is because they have the courage to be imperfect. It’s a willingness to exist and treat themselves with kindness and to do things where there are no guarantees.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m doing okay. I am deserving of belonging and being loved. I know I will love and make people feel like they belong and that I also deserve people who are willing to give the same.
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