I wasn’t actively looking when I met L. I had a job in a different state lined up starting after I graduated later that semester. To be honest I mostly swiped in hopes to match with L because we had so many mutual friends (back when tinder was really the only dating app and pretty new). I wanted to know why we had so many mutual friends and hadn’t met yet. We talked lots. The first three months we would stay up late talking about everything and eventually we wanted to be part of each other’s routines and when we met up in person it felt so easy and familiar. Our conversations were silly but also very loving and endearing.
We knew within the first 5 or so months we were in love and that we wanted to be married someday. I think part of the reason I loved L so much was because I didn’t need to over explain my ethnic and cultural background. He kinda knew through his time with Hmong communities when he lived in the Sacramento area. He was always so respectful and embraced my culture. I loved him for helping me see more of the beautiful parts of my culture. It was fun being able to speak two languages with each other.
When I met L’s family, it felt like they were my family. I didn’t feel special but rather like I belonged and everything was just as it was supposed to be. This feeling was new but I realized it should be like this. Being in places that you feel so natural to be in.
As quickly as we fell in love and things grew, the relationship came to an end pretty quickly too. This was the relationship that challenged me in so many ways. This is a very personal experience that I've shared part with many people close to me but I feel that it's time to put these stories together.
This relationship was long ago enough that I’m not really sure I can give an outline or details to do it justice. I do still love and respect L so much that I do need to write with some discretion. Much of my writing will be written with my perspective and what I find important to share my point and lessons I've learned. I think I’ll focus on the things I learned and will or have done better since then in each story series that I share.
All of the moments that made me love L so much.
I loved his thick blonde hair. The dad jokes. The genuine laughs. I loved how easy it was to talk. When we doing the long distance thing he'd stay up late to video chat with me even while I was falling asleep. Starting and ending our days with a good morning and good night was just the beginning of how we became part of each other's routine.
L and I fell so quickly for each other. The way we approached life and how we practiced our religion was compatible. It was easy to integrate our lives with each other. everything from going to church with each other, spending time with each other's friends and roommates, they people we were closest to. We were young and quite poor so not too many trips but we tried to do adventures and road-trips whenever possible even if it was to visit family.
I loved making chocolate cake with him. He is a pretty physically affectionate person and he reminded me that i needed the physical touch because of those endorphins that really did make me feel better.
As L and I got to know each other we learned of all the mutual friends we had. Over and over I couldn't believe how much we overlapped and never met each other. Some of those people were people we knew well too. It was strange to learn how some of these people spanned over several years and the depth of friendships we had with these people.
I remember meeting his family and one of his nephews was really little at the time had said that I was basically his aunt because his uncle loved me so much because that's what his mom said. His family really did become my family. *Here is where I make a big sigh. L and I often hung out with his sister and her family that lived a little south of us. I freaking fell in love with that family and those kids. They became my family. I loved seeing them regularly and doing family dinner, movie nights, holidays, birthdays, and parades with them were favorite moments. Babysitting the kids was fun. Being silly and doing photo shoots with the kids was always a good past time. Seeing L be silly with the kids, cracking the dad jokes and everything was hilarious. It's interesting seeing them all grown up now. Maybe this is the selfish part of me but I hope that there's a little memory of me because I loved them so much. I remember the first birthday dinner that I wasn't invited to because we split and it made me so sad. I really miss that family and the friendship.
There's so many other little things that made me love him but these are the big ones. Timing and the feelings with these major moments were key into the love that grew.
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