I haven't really shared about M with anyone. He's always been a secret. M was my biggest first crush, someone I truly liked and who had a profound impact on me in various ways. I don't talk about M because of the controversy surrounding our relationship. When I first met M, I was fifteen, and he was in his early twenties. I know it's wrong, illegal, and inexcusable, and I must acknowledge that from the outset. However, it's essential to provide some context: neither of us anticipated that our initial exchanges would lead to anything. Moreover, M had a young appearance, even to this day, and people have often struggled to gauge my age, at least until recently.
Most of our interactions took place through text messages and late-night video calls. Occasionally, we crossed paths in public without speaking. While I can't justify our relationship, I want to emphasize that I do recognize its inappropriateness. M also acknowledged this and apologized numerous times many years ago when we parted ways. It has been nearly a decade since we last spoke, and I have come to terms with that.
M and I met at an outdoor concert at Phoenix Park. He was a talented musician, and the music that night was a beautiful mix of jazzy and reggae tunes, perfect for a summer night's end. Thoughts of M often resurface in my mind as he played a significant role in my first musical awakening. Little did I know that he would become someone I cherished deeply and missed conversing with. He nicknamed me "rockstar," and together, we formed a unique bond over music. It was like a private book club, but centered around our shared passion for music. Thanks to him, I discovered Ska, house music, indie folk, and jazz, expanding my musical horizons beyond the mainstream pop and movie scores I had previously known.
M invited me to a café called Acoustic Cafe one Friday evening to experience live music. It was an opportunity to witness him accompanying his dad on the saxophone and flute, an aspect of his musical family that fascinated me. The café became a beloved place for me, filled with cherished memories. Even now, when I visit my hometown and parents, I make sure to revisit Acoustic Cafe, a place that holds so much sentimental value. I'll have to share about Acoustic in another story.
M also introduced me to the movie "Once." Though I didn't fully grasp it initially, I grew to appreciate it over time, especially the song "Falling Slowly," which quickly became a favorite. This marked the beginning of my fascination with indie films, an interest that continues to this day.
M served as a catalyst for a phase of awakening in my life during high school. It was then that I fell deeply in love with music, culture, photography, and actively participating in community events. Looking back, these were the seeds that eventually blossomed into values I hold dear in my present life.
Through my love for music, I discovered moments of profound connection, where the perfect combination of the right song, the right time, and the right companionship could evoke such strong emotions that it moved me to tears. Music, I learned, is a form of storytelling, preserving and recalling feelings and experiences.
My experiences with M taught me the significance of finding and creating communities, as well as building meaningful relationships with people.
While I cannot deny that this "situationship" with M made me grow up faster than I should have, it also gave me insight into the depth of caring I could feel for someone. I cannot change the past, but I believe that I made the best of the situation and grew from it. I consider myself fortunate that, at its core, my interactions with M were with a genuinely good person.
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